Eli Roth’s Gory ‘Ice Cream Man’ Melts Before Your Eyes [Review]

Products You May Like

I scream. You scream. We all scream for ice cream! I cannot, however, say the same for Eli Roth’s latest, Ice Cream Man. The kids-gone-bad horror (comedy?) piles on the gory syrup but seriously lacks any flavor beyond that.

Set in the idyllic town of Bayleen Bay, we meet Jared (Charlie Zeltzer). A young kid eyeing the last week of school, Jared wants to enjoy summer break with his friends. But that plan melts before his eyes when a mysterious Ice Cream Man (Ari Millen), who never speaks, begins handing out treats with names like Locust Lick and Serpent Swirl. Any kid who eats them turns into a murderous zombie with ice cream conspicuously smeared on their face. Now, it’s up to Jared and co. to stop the deadly dairy-slinging maniac before he gives the whole town a permanent brain freeze.

I’d love to elaborate on the plot, but that’s about all there is to this vanilla scoop of a supernatural revenge premise that too often comes off as bored with itself. Or maybe that was just me.

Ice Cream Man wants to be a ludicrous carnival of over-the-top bloodshed that would make Herschell Gordon Lewis blush. And at times, the film teases a quirky weirdness that comes so close to giving it a personality. There’s Jared’s uncomfortable eye contact with the Ice Cream Man’s grinning cone logo, sprinkling the air with eeriness. Kids pop up in windows as the titular Pied Piper slowly drives through the neighborhood at night, accompanied by a light mist. And of course, you have that classic yet unsettling tune, twisted by composer Brandon Roberts. Yet any chill is quickly quashed by lifeless dialogue, drippy pacing, and basic direction that struggles mightily to build tension when it matters most.

Not to mention the shoulder-shrug exposition drops regarding the Ice Cream Man’s plot to get revenge on the kids who led to his death, delivered with an “I don’t know, just go with it” attitude. It all feels like one big joke on the audience, yet no one’s laughing.

Not helping the tired tone are performances that consistently come off as zombified themselves. Most lines in Ice Cream Man are delivered with as much energy as an ice cream cone baking in the sun. Not that I can blame any of the actors. The script merely considers them as pawns to set up the next scene. Jared’s lactose intolerant. His sister, Lizzie (Sarah Abbott), wants to trend on TikTok. And that’s all we know about them, because the film isn’t interested in anything but how badly it can gross you out. Outside of death scenes, it’s all just filler between kills. Dull filler, at that.

At least Steve Newburn‘s excellent gore effects add some flavor to Ice Cream Man. Not that that makes it taste much better. Enjoy Eli Roth’s work or not, you know you’re generally going to get extreme bloodshed done the practical way. In that regard, Ice Cream Man delivers. This film’s like a nasty Baskin-Robbins, with ninety-nine flavors of fucked up. Kids saw off heads, crush faces with bricks, play jump rope with intestines, you name it. Think Cooties meets Terrifier when it comes to the grotesque violence at the hands of murderous tykes. If only it wasn’t void of the fun associated with those films. Instead, Roth mistakes abundance as entertainment. I love gore too, but it takes more than that to engage most audiences.

On top of the schlock, Roth fans will recognize the filmmaker’s tendency for juvenile comedy as hordes of children shove their grubby little hands into bodies or carry mom’s severed head through the streets. Sometimes his crass humor works (Thanksgiving). Other times, it’s comedy on the level of fart jokes (Green Inferno). Ice Cream Man is so far from a treat, it makes Thanksgiving look like Citizen Kane. It’s a damn shame that the far superior 1995 Ice Cream Man starring Clint Howard will forever be mixed up with this unrelated bore. The laughs are sparse, and the groans abundant. From beginning to end, this thing’s in desperate need of a sugar boost.

With The Horror Section, Roth aims to deliver uncut, unfiltered genre films that go around the MPAA. I can respect that. And if you’re craving a bloody helping of outlandish gore to satisfy that sicko tooth, Ice Cream Man may have the flavor for you. Who am I to judge? I, on the other hand, like a few extra toppings with my syrupy bloodshed, and Roth’s lackluster effort is fresh out.

Get a taste of Ice Cream Man when it arrives in theaters nationwide on August 7th via The Horror Section.

Tags: Eli Roth Ice Cream Man

Categorized:Reviews