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Debates over the best Splatoon idol group are dime-a-dozen but never have the stakes been higher than in Splatoon 3‘s upcoming second anniversary celebration: Grand Festival.
Starting on September 13th and ending on 16th of the same month (or 12th to 15th, depending on your region), this three-day event is not only a Splatfest that pits each group’s fans against one another but it’s also a music festival where the pop stars don fresh ‘fits to perform on stages both big and small.
That means that Splatoon‘s Squid Sisters, Splatoon 2‘s Off The Hook, and the most recent group in Splatoon 3’s Deep Cut will be duking it out both on the stage and in your hearts. Man, are we excited! But don’t take the decision on who to back lightly as the Splatfest results might just decide what shape Splatoon 4 takes, much like the final Splatfests of the first two games did for their subsequent entries.
We’re here to make the case for each team, but you may first be saying to yourself, “Nintendo never called this the final Splatfest!” So, let’s first discuss why this bout is likely to be curtains.
The Final Splatfest, or just Grand?
While Nintendo hasn’t specifically labeled Grand Festival as the finale of Splatoon 3, the grandeur of the event led many to jump to that conclusion. However, it also bears out in the facts.
First off, the title of the press release announcing Grand Festival states “Splatoon 3 Splatfests Reach a Crescendo,” which is to say that Grand Festival is probably the most bedazzling spectacle we’ll ever see in this entry. Given that the previous games framed their future-deciding Splatfests within large-scale events celebrating their second anniversary, logic would follow that Grand Festival will similarly decide Splatoon 4’s fate. On top of this, those Splatfests also ran for an extended period and were accompanied by merch drops (including Splatoon’s Callie & Marie amiibo). Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?
The “Past vs. Present vs. Future” theme also feels very similar to Splatoon 2’s “Chaos vs. Order,” the results of which dictated Splatoon 3’s base game and expansion. Themes like these naturally lend themselves to broad palettes that developers can craft their next game upon. There’s only been one other Splatfest in Splatoon 3 that similarly used broad themes, and that was the Zelda crossover, which was something of an exception. Thus, this trio of choices stands out.
If that’s not enough, each team being represented by an idol unit rather than the individual Deep Cut members, calls back to the decisive “Callie vs. Marie” battle that concluded Splatoon. Even if this is all happenstance, the stakes are still high as this is the fanbase’s big chance to declare their favorite idol group once and for all.
If you’re undecided, or you feel unprepared for the upcoming brawl, then it’s time to hear us out on all three teams.
Past – Squid Sisters
There’s one thing nobody will deny during this Splatfest: Callie & Marie are the quintessential squid idols. They’re the figureheads of the franchise who defined the concept of “fresh” way back in 2015. Not only were they the hosts of the inaugural game but they’ve played starring roles in the campaigns of both follow-ups. Some may call the duo overplayed but we don’t think that’s fair. They’re simultaneously vintage while consistently sporting some of the trendiest outfits in Inkadia.
For Grand Festival, the duo is sporting an urchin theme. Callie’s holding her tentacle-do together with spikes and Marie has crowned herself with an urchin shell. Their white outfits highlighted by rows of black gemstones may make you think they’re taking a purely classy approach, but one detail shows their competitive spirit bubbling beneath that surface: the ring on Marie’s middle finger. Her typically subdued demeanor hides an edge that screams, “I’m in it to win it.” This bold accessory may pay off as there’s no doubt this team will attract many series veterans who’ve been stanning this unit for nearly a decade.
The Squid Sisters are living proof that the past is timeless. A Splatoon 4 that focuses on throwback costumes from past real-world eras would be a fun twist on the modern fashion stylings the series is otherwise known for. A referendum on nostalgia would also make for a compelling story. Also, given the Wii U’s poor sales, this would be the first time many would experience Callie & Marie as hosts.
Present – Off the Hook
While their headlining entry is technically a thing of the past, Pearl & Marina are the most representative idols of the modern day. This isn’t only because they were the subject of Splatoon 3’s recent Side Order expansion; they’re the most synonymous unit with modern music trends, particularly in hip-hop and electronic. Plus, Pearl is a byproduct of the social media era as the most meme-ready Splatoon character this side of Big Man.
This competition is no joke for Pearl, though. She’s ditched her iconic crown for evocative military commander attire. In other words, she’s on the front line this time around. What we’re saying is, don’t take her short stature for granted unless you want a boot to the shin. Meanwhile, Marina is meshing these soldier stylings with club-ready garb, including a sequin-adorned silver bikini top with matching necklaces, and spiky earrings that give her an X factor. She’s ditched her signature headphones and is instead busting out her keytar for this performance, and who can argue with that? She’s like K.K. Slider — cool behind the turntable, but ascendant with a guitar(well, guitar-shaped instrument).
The present is ever-shifting, so while Splatoon has almost exclusively focused on the latest looks, the ever-shifting nature of trends means the franchise will never go out of style. So, while a vote for Off the Hook may sound like a vote for the status quo on paper, it’s anything but.
Future – Deep Cut
Finally, we arrive at the Splatoon 3 idols, the trio we’ve spent the last two years splatting in the name of. Every Grand Festival attendee will be familiar with them, giving the trio a home-team advantage. This doesn’t mean they’re resting on their laurels in the face of fierce competition, though; they’ve brought outfits that push fashion boundaries.
Shiver has 20/20 vision now that she’s parted her tentacle hair away from her eye; she’s even gone the extra mile and got the Deep Cut logo tattooed on her stomach. That’s dedication. However, what really stands out is her new hairpiece that replaces her twisted hachimaki. We’re not entirely sure what it’s supposed to be, though that only helps sell their futuristic theme. A gym-ready Frye follows suit with a forward-looking hair bun that takes the shape of tiny horns. The metallic wire holding them together extends to her ears, an eye-catching utilization of their length to complement her look.
But let’s be honest: we’re really here to talk about Big Man. You’ve read this far so we’re not going to put on airs: I think he is the best there ever was and ever will be. He’s big. He’s floppy. He’s got an emoji smile. Everyone wants to hug him. Well, at least until now. If the spike-ridden overalls he’s chosen to sport don’t impale you, his eye shadow will cut deep into your soul. Throw in that wild hairpiece and Big Man goes Big Punk in a way that says he’s Big Ready for the battle at hand.
This vision of the future promises some outlandish stylings for Splatoon 4 that would allow that entry to forge a new visual identity. If you’re a bit worn out on the series’ street fashion, this is the team you’ll want to back. (Or if you just want to support Big Man. Yes, we’re biased.)
But Who Will You Pick?
Enough of what we think, though. I want to hear from you! Are you in it to rep your favorite unit, to potentially pave the way for Splatoon 4, or is there something else you’re looking for in a team? Let us know by voting in our poll and dropping a comment comments. But most of all, make sure to enjoy Grand Festival from September 12th to 15th as it’s shaping up to be Splatoon’s greatest spectacle yet.