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I’m starting to suspect this is a show that I’d enjoy more as a drinking game. At least, that way, I’d probably be comfortably drunk by the time the credits roll.
Pandora Season 2 Episode 3 spends a lot of time discussing relationships but very little time actually having them play out.
By the end, the dysfunctional couple still hasn’t dealt with any of their issues and the functional one has been physically separated by a dimensional portal, potentially forever.
First things first, (and this is all meant facetiously and not as any sort of encouragement to drink irresponsibly) take a shot every time the geography doesn’t make sense.
As fun as watching Ralen drop into the prison space and zap (?) Osborn’s guard into unconsciousness, I have to ask where Ralen was dropping from.
The prison was previously established (most recently, on Pandora Season 2 Episode 2) as being deeply subterraenean. It’s not like he just popped down through a skylight.
Beyond that, was there any point in having him drop in when he clearly could’ve just walked in and knocked that guard out? Especially since everyone else seems to be able to walk in to talk to Osborn and that’s the FIRST time there’s been a guard?
And how dense is Osborn that he doesn’t realize that Ralen’s his rescue operative?
Drink a glass of overpriced rosé every time Osborn acts or says something in a pompous, entitled, and/or misanthropic manner.
And this includes Young Osborn from twenty-two years ago.
Osborn: Without navigation, and at the speeds you’ll be going, if you don’t decelerate in time, you will pancake on the surface.
Jax: Any other words of encouragement, Uncle?
Usually, I enjoy seeing established characters in younger iterations (eg. Young Sheldon, Mixed-ish) but that rule washes down the drain on this show.
Here, we have younger versions of Professors Osborn, Shral, and Pevney working together to take down the previous Pandora, boxing her up, and then conveniently stumbling across Baby Jax.
I think the issue is that they seem like exactly the same characters as what we’ve come to know. There’s no sense that they changed AT ALL in the intervening twenty-two years.
(Now that I think about it, that’s probably the main problem with the Harlan Fried reincarnations. The current vampire-clone model acts exactly like the one Jax saw in her vision from fifty (?) years ago.)
Jello shot whenever Xander or Jax expresses self-doubt.
Whew, you’d better just have a bottle on stand-by.
Whether it’s about his insecurities about being promoted to captain (completely justified, by the way) or her worries about addressing a judgemental alien race, we spend a LOT of time listening to them talk out their inner demons.
And yet, when it comes to free-falling onto a planet’s surface through electrical storms that prevent them from flying a shuttle in, Xander’s all “we got this.”
Looking at their mess of a relationship, I’m pretty sure that alone is enough evidence that this universe needs a do-over.
Pour another one out for every instance of the Zatarians being way better at everything than humans.
I know we’re supposed to see them as awkward and hesitant, but Matta and Ralen have been the only crew members of the Dauntless that I’d want anywhere near the controls.
And the cringy heart-to-hearts they had with their human counterparts while searching Asmodeus 6? It was a clunky way to push exposition.
I did laugh at Matta organizing the groups so quickly though. She probably realized that Jax and Xander would be so distracted by each other they’d walk right past an Ancients portal, and she obviously wasn’t going to send Jax off with Ralen.
So, in a sense, she partnered herself up with Jax like a good soldier would jump on a grenade for the greater good of the team.
Down a double whenever things get needlessly complicated.
It’s bad enough that Matta’s wholehearted belief in the worthiness of the universe lands her in Ancients limbo for who-knows-how-long, but the mission to save it now has both a timer and a mystery ingredient.
They have four months to not only get all the races in the universe on board to prove themselves worthy but they have to FIND an entire race — make first contact, convince them about the Ancients, etc. etc. — in that time too.
Meanwhile, Ralen’s going to be in traumatic shock from Matta being taken as collateral by the Ancients, Jax is still mad at Xander for saving her life by throwing the other Pandora through the portal on Clayton’s World (seriously, whatever!), and Osborn is probably going to go into hiding.
Flaming shot with a beer chaser everytime someone gets killed, taken hostage, or otherwise harmed because they were hanging out with Jax.
This is a trend that started with Greg Li on Pandora Season 1 Episode 4 (or maybe it started with the destruction of the colony on New Portland) and has been a tragic theme throughout the series.
We can add Matta to the list that includes Greg, Delaney, and Thomas. Even the other Pandora. Huh.
No one is ever truly ready to meet their destiny.
Osborn
My last quibble is with the tech (once again) of the show.
And I’m not even going to go into the bargain basement coms they use.
We’re meant to see the Dauntless as an impressive ship that usually runs with a full complement crew.
The fact that Ralen and Matta are able to fly it between the two of them is plausible (see above point about Zatarian proficiency) seeing as Jax never touches the consoles and Xander gets to “captain” it.
However, I’m skeptical that Osborn can manage all its systems on his own.
To be fair, his job is really just communications and some analysis. He’s not taking it anywhere but still, if any of the Earth Com ships had come after him, or if the Protectors had ships in orbit that attacked, the Dauntless would’ve been toast. (See what I did there?)
In any case, sober or not, we’re about to launch into an interplanetary mission to save the universe.
I, for one, am somewhat curious about the Sumi and Kronin (sp?) races that I think we’re hearing about for the first time.
When you watch Pandora online, what do you raise a glass to?
How will Tierney and Eve (and Harlan!) factor into this race?
When will Admiral Lucas notice that Osborn’s flown the coop? What will she do to Captain Duvall upon his return?
Let’s hear your theories and thoughts in the comments!
Diana Keng is a staff writer for TV Fanatic. Follow her on Twitter.